Red Tape

Delude • Retreat • Indemnify • Prevaricate • Squander

Welcome to the hysterical, madcap world of 'health n safety', where boiling a kettle requires a competence regime and conkers grow in bubble wrap.

This page features a collection of stories which will have you pulling your hair out (assuming you still have some).

Previous stories

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December

Safety Scrooges remove Christmas wreaths
23rd December 2013 (Epsom Guardian)
Angry tenants have accused their housing association of turning into Scrooge after it removed Christmas wreaths from their doors and then demanded money for their return.

November

	A step too far 27th November 2013 (Daily Mail) A man who installed steps and a handrail down a muddy embankment to stop children slipping is ordered to take them down because they are a health and safety risk.
	Drips install lifebuoy 22nd November 2013 (Daily Mail) A water company has installed a life ring next to a three-inch deep stream following a health and safety review.
	Nutty safety ban gets Bacup 19th November 2013 (Daily Telegraph) A Morris dancing tradition that dates back 156 years has been barred from its Lancashire hometown because of safety concerns.

October

	One off the wrist 24th October 2013 (This is Cornwall) A Government minister has slammed a Newquay secondary school for banning charity wristbands on health and safety grounds, claiming it is “absolute nonsense”.
	Lollipop man pays high-fives price 14th October 2013 (The Guardian) Council idiots drive a much-loved lollipop man into retirement for being too friendly and human, not the lifeless robots they all aspire to be.

September

	Bikes give way to cars 18th September 2013 (Daily Mail) A school has banned pupils from bringing their bikes through the gates and is planning to demolish cycle racks to make way for more staff parking.
	Food ban is hard to swallow 12th September 2013 (Daily Mail) A five-year-old boy with a rare eating disorder has been banned from eating his required diet of mash, custard and yoghurt at school because of health and safety regulations.
	Kids let down by council 5th September 2013 (Daily Express) Health and safety leaves children deflated after their communal bouncy castle is banned.

August

	Your bin runneth over 27th August 2013 (Ipswich Star) A businesswoman has branded a council "jobsworths" after her rubbish was not removed for health and safety reasons: the bin lid was four inches ajar.
	Baking mad! 21st August 2013 (South West News Service) Volunteers have been banned from baking cakes and taking them into a hospital for cancer patients because of health and safety fears.
	Common sense at stake 13th August 2013 (Daily Mail) A council's decision to cut down wooden stakes from a play area over fears children might snap them in half has been branded 'utter madness'.

July

	What a shower! 29th July 2013 (The Echo) Plans to install a new £12,000 shower to make a popular Canvey beach more family friendly have been rejected because a nearby bench could get wet.
	Cake ban over hygiene certificate 29th July 2013 (Daily Echo) A 12-year-old girl has been banned from bringing her mother's home-made cakes into school for a charity fundraising sale because she did not have a food hygiene certificate.
	Council gets high-handed 11th July 2013 (Daily Mirror) A jolly lollipop man in Bracknell has been banned from high-fiving schoolchildren by killjoy health and safety numpties.
	Give them their dew 6th July 2013 (This is South Wales) Parents have branded a decision to postpone a school sports day because of dew on the grass as madness.
	Potty pettiness 3rd July 2013 (North-West Evening Mail) Pottery made by children to brighten up a community park has been removed by council officers, citing health and safety reasons.
	Doormat dilemma 2nd July 2013 (Yorkshire Evening Post) Furious tenants have been told to remove doormats from outside their flats because they are a health and safety hazard.
	Blooming dangerous 2nd July 2013 (Daily Mail) Council chiefs in Bridgnorth have decided to remove hanging baskets from a bridge in case they fall onto canoeists paddling in the waters below.

June

	Model train hits buffers 20th June 2013 (Daily Mail) It has given joy to generations of delighted children but a model railway in Paisley has been brought to an abrupt stand at the insistence of health and safety bosses.
	Killjoys uproot back-street Eden 19th June 2013 (Daily Mail) North Tyneside Council has decreed that the flowerpots in an award-winning community garden pose a health-and-safety risk.
	Playing hard ball 17th June 2013 (BBC News) A cricket club has been barred from its home of 36 years after refusing to agree to a ban on hard balls being used during batting practice on the pitch.
	Less than frilled 13th June 2013 (Daily Mail) The headmistress at a primary school has clamped down on the wearing of frilly socks after one girl apparently suffered a fall.
	Mum "tampered" with water repair 13th June 2013 (Get Reading) A woman who placed a safety cone over a trip hazard in the pavement has been told by a water company that she would be liable for any accidents that happened.

May

	Custard pies stuck in treacle 17th May 2013 (Daily Mail) A custard pie fight, scheduled for the first Bakewell Baking Festival, has been cancelled because no insurer will cover the 'dangerous' event that is classified as a 'sport'.
	Dambusters scuppered by safety fears 13th May 2013 (Daily Telegraph) The owners of a Peak District dam used by the Dambusters for practice runs have banned 70th anniversary celebrations due to fears about heavy traffic on country roads.
	Litter picks too risky 5th May 2013 (Welwyn & Hatfield Times) Convicted criminals may not take part in monthly litter picks due to concerns over public liability insurance and risk assessments.

April

	Roadside rubbish collections dumped 22nd April 2013 (Northampton Chronicle) Roadside litter collections across Northampton have been scrapped for the past two months so officials could work out if they were safe.
	Curtains for the posties' cat 17th April 2013 (Stratford-upon-Avon Herald) Health and safety rules could lead to a Post Office pet cat being evicted, five years after it moved into a sorting office.
	Do you have a cake licence? 5th April 2013 (Daily Mail) An 82-year-old grandmother faced filling out health and safety forms and a quiz over public liability insurance while selling rock cakes at a community fund-raising event.

March

Half-baked flapjack ban
25th March 2013 (The Sun)
Kitchen staff have been banned from preparing triangular flapjack snacks after a pupil was hit in the face by a flying oaty morsel.

February

	Missing wheel prompts bin ban 4th February 2013 (Daily Telegraph) Binmen have been criticised after refusing to empty a great grandmother's wheelie bin simply because it had one wheel missing.
	Shorts ban is snow joke 1st February 2013 (Daily Mail) Health and safety bosses have banned postmen from wearing shorts during winter months in case they get frostbite.

January

	Snow no go 28th January 2013 (The Courier) While milkmen and delivery drivers have continued to visit, the Royal Mail has banned posties from delivering letters to some residents in Warwick as a result of the snow.
	Bouncers needed to control pensioners 21st January 2013 (Daily Mail) A sing-a-long fundraiser for an elderly care home has been cancelled after health and safety officials demanded organisers hire two bouncers for the event.
	Postman Splat! 18th January 2013 (Western Daily Press) Postal workers are refusing to deliver mail to a woman's home because they are scared of slipping on pigeon droppings.

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