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Welcome to the hysterical, madcap world of 'health n safety', where boiling a kettle requires a competence regime and conkers grow in bubble wrap.

This page features a collection of stories which will have you pulling your hair out (assuming you still have some).

Previous stories
Out with the fairies
12th December 2010 (Daily Telegraph)
A retired couple has been banned from decorating the top floor of their tower block with festive fairy lights because of health and safety fears.
Stay off the road
3rd December 2010 (Daily Mail)
A council has ordered one of its lollipop men only to press a crossing button and not escort children across the road.
Seeing off doormat zealots
12th November 2010 (Daily Telegraph)
Health and safety enforcers met their match in the form of a nun when they came to impound children's bicycles and hanging pot plants.
7th November 2010 (Daily Mail)
A shop assistant refused to let a six-year-old girl help her mother buy a box of Christmas crackers - because of laws banning the sale of 'explosives' to children.
Risk assessment blights railway garden
1st November 2010 (Daily Mail)
A little station in Shropshire is a fading shadow of its former self after Network Rail's health and safety bosses clamped down on the WI’s efforts to keep it blooming.
Save lives or tick boxes?
1st November 2010 (Daily Mail)
A document has surfaced that illustrates the almost unbelievable extent to which health and safety regulations are preventing our emergency services from saving lives.
Swimmer's goggles banned
29th October 2010 (Daily Express)
A schoolboy swimmer who dreams of Olympic glory has been banned from wearing goggles in a pool under health and safety rules.
Fruit 'n' nuts!
28th October 2010 (The Sun)
Barmy hospital bosses have issued a bizarre Halloween health and safety warning on the "extreme" dangers of apple bobbing.
8th October 2010 (Daily Mail)
Workmen tarmacked around a row of flowerpots because health and safety rules said they were too heavy to lift.
Conker madness
8th October 2010 (EADT24)
Visitors to the Abbey Gardens in Bury St Edmunds yesterday described a sign warning of falling conkers as health and safety “gone mad”.
Rope swing falls foul of H&S
8th October 2010 (The Star)
A Sheffield woman has hit out at the city council for sending anti-social behaviour officers to her home to force her to take her five-year-old son's rope swing down.
Cake row is baking mad
22nd September 2010 (Lancashire Evening Post)
Members of a fundraising community group say they nearly choked on their speciality scones when they were told they were a health and safety hazard.
High risk fruit
14th September 2010 (Daily Mail)
After a housing association complained that crab apples on a residential street were a ‘possible trip hazard’, council workers came and chopped down six trees.
Community officers are no help
10th September 2010 (Daily Express)
A school is forking out almost £2,000 a year for police officers to help children cross a village road because free community support officers are “not sufficiently trained”.
Stabilisers too dangerous
8th September 2010 (Daily Mail)
A mother has hit out at her local council after being told by a park warden that her young son's bicycle stabilisers were a health and safety hazard.
Fur & theft policy
4th September 2010 (The Sun)
Rock band EELS have been forced to insure their beards because they are considered a health and safety risk.
Council decision wheelie stupid
4th September 2010 (Wiltshire Times)
Frail pensioners are being told to drag their wheelie bins up to 100 yards along a potholed road in Trowbridge because of fears for the health and safety of binmen.
Court bans sandwich 'missiles'
3rd September 2010 (Daily Telegraph)
Lawyers, reporters and visitors have been banned from taking sandwiches into High Wycombe Magistrates' Court to prevent them being used as missiles.
Grass cutting too dangerous
23rd August 2010 (The Guardian)
The wide turf banks of Carlisle Castle have lost their regular six-monthly mow because of the perceived risk to workers on the steep inclines.
Thieves' safety a priority
17th August 2010 (Salisbury Journal)
Police officers were told not to chase a gang on stolen motorbikes because a pursuit would put the criminals’ health and safety at risk.
Owls banned in case they "run amok"
13th August 2010 (Daily Telegraph)
A man from Plympton has been banned from taking his owls outside after his local council ruled their daily walks are a health and safety risk.
Ban for the Red (Tape) Arrows
14th July 2010 (Daily Mail)
Health and safety zealots in a Devon resort have grounded the RAF's famous aerobatic team in case 'vibrations' from their planes damage buildings below.
Hairdresser too short to cut
13th July 2010 (Daily Mail)
A trainee hairdresser has been rejected for an apprenticeship due to fears that her height might result in back problems.
Red tape chokes carnival
9th July 2010 (Teesdale Mercury)
Too much health and safety red tape is being partly blamed for the closure of one of Teesdale’s most popular carnivals.
Here today, gone tomorrow
7th July 2010 (Salisbury Journal)
Locals were left confused after council contractors moved in to carry out repairs on a bridge then moved straight back out again because the paperwork hadn’t been done.
No bunting!
26th June 2010 (The Sun)
Stunned organisers of a Scottish village fete have been banned from flying bunting because of a health and safety risk.
Seagulls bring end to mail deliveries
24th June 2010 (Daily Mail)
The Royal Mail has suspended deliveries in a coastal street because posties are being dive-bombed by seabirds, supposedly posing a health and safety risk.
One at a time please
7th June 2010 (Daily Mail)
A father-of-two was left stunned after he was told he wasn’t allowed to take his two children swimming in a local pool because of health and safety rules.
Ball games banned from sports field
30th May 2010 (Daily Telegraph)
Walsall Council has banned children from playing ball games at a local park for health and safety reasons.
Barmy bosses back down
29th May 2010 (Manchester Evening News)
Bosses of a bin company who threatened workers with the sack for flying England flags from wagons during the World Cup have been forced into a U-turn.
World Cup flags pose risks
28th May 2010 (Daily Mail)
Binmen have been threatened with the sack if they fly England flags on their wagons during the World Cup due to apparent ‘health and safety’ risks.
Postie traumatic stress
20th May 2010 (Ham & High 24)
A mail box at Hampstead post office has been closed because postmen bending down to collect the mail might injure themselves.
Sweetie ban
8th April 2010 (Daily Telegraph)
A charity that carries out "random acts of kindness" to strangers has been banned from giving sweets to children because it would breach a council's anti-obesity policies.
On your bike...not!
22nd March 2010 (Northampton Chronicle)
Plans to bring back police officers on push bikes to an area of Northampton have been delayed because the officers need health and safety training.
Mum can't buy kids' scissors
6th March 2010 (Brighton Argus)
A mother was banned from buying a pair of plastic scissors after shop staff suggested she was going to give them to her toddler.
Inspector's boob causes climbdown
5th March 2010 (Safety & Health Practitioner)
The Irish health and safety watchdog has admitted it acted in "an over-zealous manner" by demanding that a garage owner remove calendars featuring topless models.
Flippin' pancake politics
21st February 2010 (Daily Mirror)
Moments before St Albans' annual pancake race kicked off last week, a council official arrived to announce a new health and safety regulation: there was to be no running.
Dog-saving fireman breached H&S rules
14th February 2010 (Daily Mail)
A fireman who saved a pet dog from a frozen pond is now facing disciplinary action for allegedly breaching healthy and safety rules.
Collywobbles over cobbles
5th February 2010 (The Sun)
Postal deliveries to an arthritis sufferer have stopped after a postie moaned that the cobbled street on which she lived was a health and safety risk.
Not a welcome danger
4th February 2010 (Daily Mail)
Housing officials have ordered tenants to remove welcome mats from their doorsteps, claiming they are a safety hazard.
Bags bid ruled out
2nd February 2010 (Burton Mail)
A council has ruled out introducing more manageable recycling bags for its elderly and infirm residents due to ʻhealth and safety reasonsʼ.
H&S fails to prevent motorway death
31st January 2010 (Daily Mail)
A man was run over and killed on a motorway because police regulations prevented two officers stopping to help him, an inquest has heard.
Toothpick Taliban!
27th January 2010 (Daily Mail)
The toothpick has become the latest victim of the health and safety police  -  leaving disgruntled diners with food stuck between their molars.
Always reverse park
17th January 2010 (Daily Mail)
Thousands of workers have been told they must reverse into parking spaces at their offices under a new health and safety regime imposed by a power company.
Don't clear icy paths - you could be sued!
11th January 2010 (Daily Mail)
Householders and businesses have been warned not to clear snowy pavements as they could be sued if someone slips.
Dustmen snub 'too full' bins
7th January 2010 (Daily Express)
Refuse collectors in Coventry have been told not to collect overflowing bins in case falling rubbish causes injuries.
Safety compromised by too much coffee
2nd January 2010 (Liverpool Echo)
A school in Liverpool has banned teachers from filling their coffee cups by more than two-thirds on health and safety grounds.
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