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Welcome to the hysterical, madcap world of 'health n safety', where boiling a kettle requires a competence regime and conkers grow in bubble wrap.

This page features a collection of stories which will have you pulling your hair out (assuming you still have some).

Previous stories
Santa grounded over safety fears
14th December 2012 (Daily Mail)
Father Christmas has been banned from sitting on his 10 feet high float in Sutton, south London, after a health and safety assessment found it to be too dangerous.
Three steps too far
13th December 2012 (South Wales News Service)
Jobsworth council chiefs have banned binmen from emptying pensioners’ rubbish because the three steps they must walk up have been deemed a health and safety risk.
Bun fight at school
4th December 2012 (Sheffield Telegraph)
Teachers at a Sheffield primary school have been branded ‘bonkers’ after banning homemade buns and cakes at the annual Christmas fair.
Squarepants too wide for steps
27th November 2012 (South West News Service)
Council chiefs were today branded “Christmas scrooges” after they banned SpongeBob Squarepants from turning on the festive lights because of health and safety fears.
Health and safety kills Christmas spirit
6th November 2012 (News Shopper)
Transport for London has told the West Wickham Town Centre Association it needs to pay for test certificates to ensure lampposts can support Christmas lights.
Afraid to do the right thing
10th October 2012 (Daily Mail)
A disabled boy fell to his death because care home workers were too afraid to restrain him over 'health and safety' fears.
Council bans carrot coleslaw
24th September 2012 (Bedfordshire on Sunday)
A gardening company was banned from putting raw carrots in its 50p coleslaw after a council gave them the chop over health and safety fears.
Binning the black bags
20th September 2012 (Edinburgh Evening News)
Union bosses are set to tell binmen to stop picking up black bags from the kerb citing “musculoskeletal issues".
Buggy hurdle for fun run pair
29 August 2012 (Daily Mirror)
A father who wants to enter fun runs pushing his disabled daughter in her buggy has been told they would be a health and safety risk.
Clip ban after nicked finger
2nd August 2012 (Manchester Evening News)
Health bosses have banned metal paper fasteners from GP surgeries, clinics and offices because they are deemed a safety risk.
Alleys prove a pain for binmen
22nd July 2012 (Daily Mail)
Council binmen have been banned from collecting wheelie bins from back alleys as bosses fear going the extra distance could give the workers back injuries.
Big bang in theory
17th June 2012 (Daily Express)
Council killjoys ruined a school sports day by banning the London Olympics' chief starter from firing his pistol to start the races.
Rain stops post
14th June 2012 (The Star)
The Royal Mail has been criticised for suspending wet weather deliveries to 29 businesses in Doncaster after a postie slipped over in the rain.
Bunting drives up stress levels
24th May 2012 (Daily Telegraph)
Traders in Burnham-on-Sea have been stopped from hanging out flags to mark the Queen's Jubilee because the lampposts involved would all have to be 'stress tested'.
A step too far
8th May 2012 (Islington Gazette)
Elderly and disabled residents in basement flats have been told to haul their rubbish up a flight of stairs as they pose 'a serious manual handling problem' for strapping binmen.
Bike injury closes post box
1st May 2012 (Burton Mail)
A one-off incident involving kids on bikes has caused the Royal Mail to close a village post box.
Firemen banned from pond rescue
13th April 2012 (Daily Telegraph)
25 firemen who were called to rescue a herring gull entangled in plastic in a pond refused to enter the waist-deep water because of potential safety risks.
Fruit failing drives dismissal
22nd March 2012 (The Sun)
A bus driver has been sacked for eating a grape while sitting on a stationary bus with no passengers on board.
Training provides a step up
18th March 2012 (Daily Mail)
Organisers of a Diamond Jubilee street party who want to put up bunting have been told they must first go on a health and safety course - on how to climb a ladder.
Driven round the bend
6th March 2012 (Daily Echo)
A bus driver ordered his vehicle to be cleared of passengers after a lady spilt a small amount of coffee in the entranceway.
2nd February 2012 (Express & Star)
A council has raided a row of flats in the Black Country and stripped the landings of carpets and pot plants in a health and safety drive.
Why didn't the binman cross the road?
23rd January 2012 (Daily Express)
A refuse collector was told not to cross the road to pick up a homeowner’s rubbish because it contravened health and safety rules.
Dangerous delivery
20th January 2012 (This is Staffordshire)
Royal Mail is refusing to deliver post to a 62-year-old woman's home on a quiet lane because there is no pavement outside her home.
Out of control
17th January 2012 (The Courier)
For health and safety reasons, managers at Dundee Sheriff Court called out an engineer from Edinburgh to change the batteries in a remote control.
H&S threatens blood supplies
12th January 2012 (Metro)
A blood donor was turned away from a clinic because medical staff said they were no longer allowed to tap her arm to help bring a vein to the surface.
Safety costs scupper paddling pool
9th January 2012 (Wirral Globe)
Health and safety rules look set to sink a seaside resort’s hopes of reopening its historic paddling pool and boating lake.
Feet on the ground
9th January 2012 (Huffington Post)
A Second World War fighter pilot has spoken out against "ridiculous" health and safety concerns which prevented him from sitting in the cockpit of a stationary Spitfire.
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