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Welcome to the hysterical, madcap world of 'health n safety', where boiling a kettle requires a competence regime and conkers grow in bubble wrap.

This page features a collection of stories which will have you pulling your hair out (assuming you still have some).

Previous stories
Seizure girl let down by paramedics
8th December 2011 (Enfield Independent)
Paramedics have been accused of refusing to carry a 14-year-old girl who had collapsed out a a park for health and safety reasons.
Tipping point
8th December 2011 (Daily Mail)
Residents in a block of flats have been left with a bad smell in their nostrils after being told their overflowing bins won't be emptied in case they tip over.
Dog ban prompts resignation
8th December 2011 (Weston Mercury)
A volunteer, who had worked for the RSPCA for 16 years, quit after the charity decided to ban her dog from one of its shops for health and safety reasons.
Rock bottom
24th November 2011 (BBC News)
A council has been criticised for its "ridiculous" decision to put warning signs on six rocks at a Gwynedd beach urging people not to climb on them.
Death by paralysis
17th November 2011 (Daily Mail)
A lawyer who fell 45ft down a disused mine shaft died after fire chiefs refused to mount an immediate rescue operation because of health and safety fears.
Poppy tribute succumbs to jobsworths
6th November 2011 (Sunday Mercury)
Health and safety jobsworths want to scrap a patriotic poppy tribute by army and sea cadets to honour fallen Midland war heroes because of a short vertical ladder.
Get down!
1st November 2011 (Daily Mail)
Passengers on an overcrowded Virgin Pendolino were asked to sit on the floor for their own safety as the service increased speed to recover lost time.
Height of stupidity
14th October 2011 (Daily Mirror)
A shop owner became a 'victim of climb' when police told her they could not investigate the theft of lead from her roof because it was too dangerous to use a ladder.
Health and safety frightens police
28th September 2011 (Daily Mail)
Police cited health and safety as a reason for not entering a travellers' site when a farmer caught thieves stripping parts from his van.
Bosses get fingers burnt
22nd September 2011 (Daily Record)
Hospital bosses have been forced into an embarrassing U-turn after a ban on oven gloves meant patients could only be served cold food.
22nd September 2011 (This is Gloucestershire)
Pupils at a school in Tuffley have been banned from using anything but soft sponge footballs in the playground.
Running the risk
21st September 2011 (Wales Online)
A free five-kilometre run that attracts up to 300 people to grass-roots athletics each week has been banned by Cardiff Council on health and safety grounds.
Accident prone
2nd September 2011 (Daily Mail)
Last year, employees of the Health & Safety Executive recorded a total of 53 accidents at work, including someone who cut two fingers after putting them into a fan!
Banned: the hazardous doormat
22nd August 2011 (Daily Mail)
A family has been left stunned after housing officials put warning tape on their doormat, claiming it breaches health and safety rules.
5th August 2011 (Daily Mail)
A school bans one of its pupils from using Vaseline - used to treat her chapped lips - because it is not a prescribed medicine.
Toys banned from ambulances
26th June 2011 (Weston Mercury)
Fluffy toys meant to bring comfort to sick and injured children have been banned from ambulances due to health and safety fears.
Murray mount falls flat
22nd June 2011 (Daily Telegraph)
Thousands of fans were denied the chance to see Andy Murray's match at Wimbledon because the grass in the viewing area was slippy.
Go green by car
20th June 2011 (Evening Times)
A resident was banned from recycling his rubbish because he did not have a car.
No place for an awning
20th June 2011 (This is Wiltshire)
Shopkeepers told to obey “silly” Wiltshire Council health and safety rules have said they are dismayed at the order.
Are you sitting comfortably?
14th June 2011 (Daily Telegraph)
Staff moving to the BBC's new MediaCity development are being offered a choice of swivel chairs and training on how to sit down properly.
Stop! Police!
10th June 2011 (Daily Mail)
Police in Manchester have been told to consider the risks before chasing criminals to make sure that they do not injure themselves.
Be careful children, it's raining
16th May 2011 (Daily Mail)
A headteacher has been forced to put up warning signs every time it rains in case pupils fall over and injure themselves.
High-risk ornaments
29th April 2011 (This is Bristol)
Residents of a council block have slammed rules that forced them to remove welcome mats, pictures and ornaments from communal hallways for safety reasons.
Danger: red tape explosion
27th April 2011 (Daily Mail)
The scaled-down steamboats of a group of seaside modelling enthusiasts have struck their own iceberg - in the form of health and safety regulations.
Sign torn down
21st April 2011 (Ely Standard)
Residents in Stuntney reportedly laughed out loud when builders informed them that a new information point could be a hazard because it is only secured by a single post.
Elf 'n' safety ban Easter parade
15th April 2011 (Daily Mail)
Every year people from different churches march a 400-yard route to celebrate Easter but this year it has been banned because it breaches health and safety laws.
Operation overkill: 25 firemen rescue cat
6th April 2011 (Daily Mail)
It's a service traditionally offered by our compassionate fire services. But the response of the Suffolk brigade to a cat trapped on a roof went well beyond the call of duty.
Football playground ban
6th April 2011 (Daily Mail)
Angry parents have criticised a school for banning children from playing football in case they get hurt.
Posties' bike ban
4th April 2011 (Daily Mirror)
Posties have been ordered off their bikes in a bid to cut down accidents; instead, teams of two will use vans carrying trolleys on rounds in Sidmouth.
"Ridiculous" change to parking meters
24th March 2011 (Bicester Advertiser)
A council has brought able-bodied motorists to their knees by lowering the height of three busy parking meters for wheelchair users.
First class move
20th March 2011 (Wiltshire Times)
Royal Mail has performed a U-turn to reopen a postbox in Bradford-on-Avon that it closed due to health and safety concerns.
Charity worker 'left to die'
12th March 2011 (Daily Mail)
More than a dozen emergency workers refused to pull a man from a waist-deep boating lake because of ‘health and safety’ fears.
Liability ends street party
11th March 2011 (Daily Mirror)
A street party to celebrate the royal wedding has been cancelled after organisers were told they would have to take out £5million public liability insurance.
Second class citizens
5th February 2011 (Wiltshire Times)
Pensioners will have to struggle up a steep hill with their letters after the Royal Mail sealed off a Bradford-on-Avon postbox over fears its staff could slip on the path.
No home delivery
14th January 2011 (This is Sutton Coldfield)
Health and safety rules that meant a centenarian could not be carried up the three steps to his bungalow have been branded "ridiculous" by his family.
Dismissed over sledge assessment
11th January 2011 (Daily Mail)
A teacher was sacked after letting children use his sledge in the snow as part of a lesson because he failed to carry out a risk assessment.
Circus act raises health and safety alarm
6th January 2011 (The Guardian)
A contorted performer smoking a cigarette while firing a bow and arrow with her feet is causing a risk assessment headache for a touring circus company.
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